haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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