Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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