Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
