glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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