They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
