So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
