you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
...so i touched it.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
