i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
