it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
so that wasnt chicken after all
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
