I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
