Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
