she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
