She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
