I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
