Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
