Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize