"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize