Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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