I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
