We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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