Christians are straight up FREAKS
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
