As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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