some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
