I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
