i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize