I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
