I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
