dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize