Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Randomize
