If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I think pants incapable of making pants work
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
