Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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