What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
