We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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