how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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