dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
