You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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