I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
