There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
