genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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