You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
