jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
