DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
