your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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