I showed him my bush... on skype.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
