Four minutes until I can fart!
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
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