I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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