"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
