Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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