I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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