You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
