I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize