listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
false alarm. still invincible.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
