i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
