Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
