Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Randomize
