I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
