this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
zippers are such a cool invention
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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