I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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