Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
