So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
