i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Randomize
