I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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