Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
