a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
try to milk me bitch
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
