why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
