Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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