Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
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